Being with Kai totally goes against what I told myself. About wanting to know someone for a few years to build that strong foundation, about having this huge common ground of video games and good academics and being nerdy in general. He's not the dream ideal person that I wrote about while ago, and doesn't have most of the characteristics in that 'what attracts me in a guy' post that I deleted. He's only academically smart if he finds a reason to put effort into it. He's only slightly taller than I am and doesn't have a "good sense" of style. In fact, he doesn't even care how he looks like half the time (except for his hair). He doesn't play video games; he used to, but he knows that he gets addicted to them way too easily so he stopped. His hands are far from soft - they're callus-y and they've suffered from so many burns and cuts and boxing injuries. If anything, he's the complete opposite of what I expected, and I still really like him for who he is.

I have a really good feeling about him, though. The traits that I listed in the past were mostly skin-deep and have nothing to do with what you can judge from appearance and habits. We may not have had the time to build a strong foundation at first, but that doesn't mean we're not building it now.

But I have 2 finals tomorrow (aka later on today)... I should be studying instead of thinking of this stuff. I'm craving for something chocolatey too.

Labels: kai, personal

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Family. Um. I'd like to have my own family. Nevermind the fact that I'm pretty scared fucking terrified of touching a dick, even moreso of having one touch my vagina. But if I ever have my own kid, I'd prefer it to be a boy, because then I wouldn't have to deal with him getting his first period and having to explain that stuff. I'd also like if he had a slightly younger sibling so that they wouldn't get too lonely.

I'd like to name my kid Jay or Lian/Ren, because they can be a girl's name and a boy's name. As silly as it sounds, the only reason why I picked Lian/Ren is because he's my favorite character from Shaman King. Other boy names that I have in mind were Jared, Julian, Quinton, or Zeren. I think Quinton is a pretty unique name, because it's like the only name I know that starts with a Q. And I like the letter Q. Even though that's the name of a person that forever has just a tiny little space in my heart though I'll never see/talk to him ever again. (Way to make things dramatic, Becky.) Zeren because I like the name and I'm pretty sure I will never meet another person named Zeren. But it'll probably be pronounced as-is and not "Zaron." I know that if my significant other knew about Quinton and Zeren, they probably wouldn't want our kids to be named after them... so I wouldn't mind if they don't want those names. And I just like Jared and Julian for no real reason.

Girl names, I've always liked Kyra, Emma, and Mely. Emma mostly because of Emma Watson and Ross and Rachel's baby Emma from Friends. Kyra... I don't know. Maybe I'm just a Kyrix fangirl lol. I like Mely because my best friend from 2nd-5th grade was named Mely and she's the sweetest person I know. But then I had to move away and we talked occasionally on the phone from 6th to 7th grade... and then we just stopped. ;_;

I also want to adopt a kid, have someone out of my own race. A ginger kid would be cute LOL. I always imagined adopting a white kid with light hair and pretty eyes, or a ginger kid with freckles and curly/wavy hair. My mom doesn't want me to adopt because "why would you take care of someone else's kids when you have your own" but hey, I think it'd be pretty cool.

Obviously I'd like my kids to take school seriously. I don't want them to take it seriously to the point where all they do is study and do schoolwork and strive to get a 100+ report card unless they want to; an 85-90+ average is good enough for me. One or two "meh" grades are fine, because not everyone is good at every single subject and they're bound to have some shitty teachers once in a while.

For my side of my family: my parents. I want them to live near me. Somewhere where I can reach them easily in case anything happens, preferably within 10ish minutes by car - even across the street or the house next to mine or something, but definitely not in my house like my mom wants to. Even though I might have complained about my mom bitching or my dad being annoying, I still love them very much. I want to be able to feed them the finest foods and buy them the house that they've always wanted, especially since the houses in New York City are mostly cramped because of the huge population.

It'd be cool if my sister lived near me too, so that we can go shopping or go out to lunch or be cute and go grocery shopping together. I'd actually really like it if my sister and I could get closer to each other, because we're not that close right now, though we've gotten a lot closer this year. But yeah, that's probably not going to happen because she's more of a city girl that wants to live in a flat in Manhattan while I'd like to live in the suburbs.

Sorry if this post was boring to read. I think it was mostly me rambling anyway. I'll try to make the next one more interesting :P

Labels: ideal life, personal

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A blag request from Kyle, my ideal life. I hope that whoever reads this series of blag posts will take the things I say with a grain of salt, because this is what my ideal life is and that I'm not expecting it to turn out exactly the way I'm describing it.

Hmmm, where to start? It'd be nice to have a significant other. Doesn't matter if they are a boy or a girl, as long as we're happy together. I've never dated a girl before and I can't really imagine myself being with one, but there was this one girl that I had the biggest crush on in high school so who knows~ Anyway back on topic, race doesn't matter either, though I'd prefer Asian or Latino. I can sort of picture it with a certain someone right now, but it's just too bad that he probably doesn't even notice that I'm a girl... because you know, since we've known each other for a while and etc.

Generally, I'd like the guy to be a clean person with a good sense of style - although a "good sense of style" to me can vary from something simple like a fitted shirt/jeans and sneakers to having their own unique style. I like a kind of skate/surf +casual style, maybe a few cardigans here and there too.... Basically, just not look sloppy I guess. I really like it when guys wear hoodies with the hood on if that means anything. I also like tousled hair, but I don't mind straight or wavy or curly. Just something that looks clean and isn't too short or too long is good.

For a girl... I dunno, actually. The only thing that I really sort of know is that I like it when they're not too feminine and to be around my height or slightly taller.

Personality-wise, they would be immature and cute - playful, impish, can make me and others laugh, and be immature in general, but not in a totally dickish way. However, they would have to be serious when the situation calls for it. He/she should let me do what I mostly want, though I wouldn't mind not doing it if they didn't like it. But it can't be over something stupid, like telling me/implying that they don't want me wearing tank tops and short shorts and etc. I'd also like the person to know that I don't put makeup on to attract other people, but (as much as I don't like saying this) because it makes me feel a little more confident about myself.

I don't care too much for those "___ 'month anniversary'" type of things. I don't mind doing something a little out of the ordinary, but I don't think that they should be a big deal either. Like I don't want to have to hand-write a letter to them and give the person a gift and then go out for a dinner at a five-star restaurant for every month that we're together. Something like "___ year anniversary," I think, deserves more attention.

I don't expect to find someone perfect to fit into an exact mold like that, but something along those lines is good enough. I don't need to have a significant other to be happy, but it'd be nice. I'm pretty content the way I am now though, because I like my friends and they make me happy :).

I'll end it here for now. Still have to do ideal job, house/family...... and whatever else I'm forgetting in another blag post.

Labels: ideal life, personal

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After reading Steven's latest blag post, I sort of realized why my past relationships were such a fail.

It's because I don't give it enough time. I'm talking about the time before the relationship; all of the ones I've had in the past, I knew/got to know the person for <5 months and just jumped right in. There was even one where I went out with a guy that kissed me on the second time we hung out... Pretty bad, I know. I mean for being a girl and all, I've always wanted that kind of fairytale/drama romance where you know the person for a few years and then you end up falling for each other eventually or something haha. Like really get to know the person, be close friends, actually know them on a personal level before doing anything.

For about half of those relationships I've been in, there were a lot of things that ticked me off about the other person that I didn't know about because I didn't get to know them better. Like spitting. Ewww. One of the things I don't like at all is excessive pda. I'm fine with things like holding hands or small kisses or holding each other, anything beyond that is sort of gross to me to do in public lol. Like trying to kiss my neck or make out in public. No. Just no. Not that I've actually made out with anyone before though. But what I really really really really hate is when the other person gets jealous easily. I guess it's sort of cute at first but it ends up getting really... unattractive when they start saying things that imply what you can and can't do. It really made me feel miserable, because I honestly felt like I was being selfish/not good enough/generally bad at being a girlfriend whenever that happened. Then I finally came to my senses and said "sorry bitch, this is my life" except in a nicer way.

So Steven is totally right about building a strong foundation before anything begins. I won't make that mistake again and will be a happy Asian with a happy Asian or non-asian boyfriend/girlfriend. :)

Oh and this was today's yesterday's breakfast. I haven't done breakfast posts in a while and was thinking of taking a picture yesterday morning, but I forgot and ate like half of it before I remembered. It's french toast with blueberries and kiwi :) Sorry for the dark picture though, it was dark in the morning.


And for some reason, I tend to cut my food into square/rectangular shapes. I guess it makes it look neater or something.

And that cake I was eating a few days ago. Mmmmmm.

Labels: breakfast, cake, dessert, food, personal

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Ahhh, I'm getting lazy to update... even though I spend half of my posts whining about things.

Today, I went to Manhattan with my friend. I thought I got flaked at first since we were supposed to meet at 10 and he didn't show an hour later. I was going to send him a text saying that I'll wait 10 or 15 minutes more, and I'll go home after that, but he sent me a text saying that he overslept right before I was going to send mine.

Remeber Angel? He drove by me while I was waiting and he honked at me and I thought that he was someone else who needed directions >_>. And then he says something like "Hey my name is Rick, what's your name?" and I said it was Jay, and he says "You're beautiful, can I get your number?" And this time I just flat out said no but I guess I wasn't intimidating enough because he kept on trying to convince me again for a short while before he had to leave because we were at a semi-busy intersection.

So yeah we went to Manhattan with no idea of what to do. I wanted to go to a museum but I wasn't sure which one offered free admissions to CUNY students and we were too cheap to pay for admission so we didn't. We mostly walked around, and it's pretty terrible because we both have bad senses of direction so we kept on walking back and forth. Or more like he has a bad sense of direction and I just have... no sense of direction, because I did nothing to help because I'm not too familiar with Manhattan. We did go bowling at a really cool place though, they had this showcase of signed bowling pins from famous people who bowled there like Ludacris, The Backstreet Boys, and Michael Kors. It was pretty expensive though, almost $25 for one game and our shoes :|

After that, we were going to go to this Thai restaurant to eat (he went there before and said it was a really good place, but we sort of lost getting there because he knew it was in the general area where we were, but he didn't know the exact location), but we found out that it closed down for renovation. We then decided to go to Max Brenner to eat, but we decided not to after seeing the high prices because we're both cheapos... So he just got Halal food and I got Subway and we sat down on the stairs of this one place and ate.

It would have been nice if I had a good camera with me, I really like the architecture of Manhattan. Some of it is really modern and looks really... crisp and slick I guess? Like large, corporate buildings with cool designs. But the buildings in some parts are older and looks and feels vintage-y. And the other parts are kind of like a mix of the two, kind of Gothic Victorian with a modern twist. I never really had the time to actually look at the buildings when I went to Manhattan in the past. I want to go to Manhattan one day, just by myself, and actually look at the architecture. Though I doubt that I'd actually do that, because then I'd get hopelessly lost.

Anyway I don't think I "feel" anything for him, which is a really good thing! 8) He's an awesome person, but he has these habits that kind of make me think ".....oh." Something that sort of sends off a tick in my head,  like keeping the faucet on the whole time while he's doing the dishes or stuffing everything in his sweater/jeans pockets and making it look bulkier... I just really hate when people put something bulky in the front pockets of their jeans, it makes it look weird. Unless it's like a semi-bulky wallet in the front pocket of dress pants/slacks, then that makes it attractive for some reason.

I hope he doesn't like me though. He told me that I looked nice today. I didn't know what to say back so I got a bit flustered and just kind of sqeaked out a "thank you," because I never know what to say when anyone says stuff like that to me. He also offered to walk me home since we take the same bus, but he lives a lot farther down. I don't know if he's just being nice or not. I hope he's just being nice.

Anyway ok end of post bye.

Labels: creepers, manhattan, personal

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